Last week, I had some rough days. The kind of days where you count the hours until bedtime. The kind of days where you forfeit hopes of any productivity and just try to get through.
As a mom, I do and don’t want to tell you about those days.
I want to be honest. I want other women to know that I get it. The constant responsibility of raising another human being? The inexplicable, bone deep fatigue even when you’ve slept? The need to just be alone for a minute? I get it.
But.
Our society has developed an attitude toward children and mothering that frustrates and hurts me. It’s expected, isn’t it, that we talk about our kids as burdens? That we fill our conversations with negativity? That’s the norm, and I don’t want to perpetuate it.
The truth is that I don’t know how to balance those two things well. I’m not sure how to tell the truth about mothering but also tell the world that I wouldn’t change it.
So, I’m just going to try.
The truth is that by the end of last week, I thought I was having a panic attack.
The truth is that by the end of last week, I wanted to do nothing–nothing–but sleep.
The truth is that by the end of last week, I had spoken out of frustration to my infant daughter because I wanted to eat a piece of pizza without little grabbing hands.
The truth is that by the end of last week, God had met me in those long hours.
The truth is that by the end of last week, God showed me, “You’re doing it. You’re living what you have prayed for.”
The truth is that mothering is soul-changing, sanctifying, messy, glorious, blessed living.
Do any of you feel this burden to be honest about the hard parts but also change the narrative about motherhood? How do you tell the truth without falling into that pattern of negativity?
Lena January 24, 2013 at 11:19 am
Oh, this is a tough topic. Sometimes, I find myself saying, “I wish someone, anyone, would have told me it was going to be hard.” And truthfully, I think people tried to tell me. But I was so blissfully naive and unaware. I do find that I can be a little too brutal, but I’m usually only like that with my true, real friends. It’s a tight rope, for sure. But this really convicts me, and I’m going to try and do a better job of upholding the beautiful and lovely things of motherhood, too. Great post!
Rebecca January 25, 2013 at 9:32 am
Oh, thank you for sharing, Lena. What you said about being truly honest with close friends is important. Maybe we should focus on choosing the right people and right moments to share the hardest parts of motherhood–other moms that need to know they’re not alone, friends close enough to understand our heart, family that offers help. I’m not one for sugarcoating, but I am just very convicted about the tone of the conversation about kids in our society. I don’t mean in the blogging community (I think we do have a wonderful balance of truth and love) but in the larger society.
Thank you again for reading and sharing!
Mary January 25, 2013 at 7:59 am
I so understand how you feel. Desiring honesty, but never wanting to give the impression that I am anything less than head over heals for my babe. I think we – the mommy blogging world- understand. We see one complaint among one hundred “yays” and says “I’ve had that sort of week, too.”
-Mary
Rebecca January 25, 2013 at 9:24 am
Thank you for the encouragement, Mary. I think you’re right; most of us understand the difficulty of that balance and know the heart that is underneath it all. That moment of saying, “I’ve had that sort of week, too,” is so important for us to have, I think, so we can’t avoid all the not-so-pretty realities. I appreciate your input!
Kari January 28, 2013 at 10:27 am
I started out the morning feeling like it was one of those forego productive, just get through it days. This was an encouragement to me and a turning point in my day
. I feel like the hard of motherhood is what makes it beautiful. If we can get past hard as “bad” we will realize that hard, when we rely on grace, becomes depth and beauty and authentic relationships.
Rebecca January 29, 2013 at 10:22 am
Kari, I’m so glad my words were an encouragement! Truly, that means the world to hear from a fellow mom.
Yes, I think the hard part is what makes parenting beautiful, too. It sets it apart–the sacrifice and perseverance when someone is utterly dependent on you. There’s nothing else quite like it.
Thank you so much for reading!
Trina Cress January 30, 2013 at 4:44 pm
Doing Soul Detox with She Reads Truth has been helping me with this. An embarrassing amount of my negativity revolves around the difficulty of staying home with my kiddos. I don’t want it to be this way. I think it changes first with how I interact with them. It changes first with me making an effort to enjoy the good. I ended a tough day yesterday just lazing around with them, playing games and watching a movie. Something I don’t do often enough, but this little effort was a baby step to balancing all of the difficulty.
Rebecca February 6, 2013 at 5:15 pm
Yes–sometimes I feel embarrassed by how negative I can be about my days at home with her, too. It’s so difficult because I truly want to be here with her. I pray that I always can be home with our family. But, it’s just maddening sometimes. Soul Detox is great for me, too. It helps you pinpoint specific thoughts and attitudes to address.
Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts, Trina!